NEW DOORS

The essentialness rushes out of me; the darkness ever expanding; the lightness is the next vision. Like a cosmic tempest escalating, this force carries my non existence through to the gateway of creation. There is no gentle going simply an emergent demand to reach my destination . . . the next incarnation. 
~~Feral Goddess, A. G. Muilenburg

CYCLE OF GOD

The cycle of god engulfs me

Embracing this fragility

I dance with oblivion

My fate now unsealed

Seeking release I flee

My unripened field frozen

Devastation beyond all hope

The lure of beyond has snared my soul

~~Feral Goddess, A. G.Muilenburg

Oak's Baby Scent

This summer has been a stark reminder of a summer 35 years ago.  Tonight the oaks give off their baby scent- the fragrance of freshly fallen acorns.  There is the taste of coolness in the air, a promise of the coming autumn.  The tree frogs have begun their evening serenade, retelling my past to the dying sun who is with me less and less every day.  They also remind me of of the memories to come.

The taste in the air, the smell of earth and oak combine with the droning of the myriad of dragonflies; zooming through the oaken canopy flocking for their feast at dusk has stirred something beautiful and sad  - something lost in me.

I reflect on a beautiful childhood when the only thought on a budding summer morning as the sun peeks over the horizon is how quick can I get outside. For greeting the sun as he rose to say hello each summer morning was a mission with me along with the mockingbirds.  I would stand in awe looking over green field covered in jewels blazing blood red, then orange and finally the gold of the gods as my solar obsession kissed each blade and I - haling his bonjour!!

The fragrance in the air was one of promise.  Promise of earth's bounty - her mysteries - her secrets.  The promise of adventure in fox den and fairy glen.  I had many a mystical and invisible to the non-believers eye playmate.  I was content to revel in the wonders around me - knowing the sun loved me best for he showed  me the sacred places in the forest, the hidden glen and the magical lagoon - really a pond but lagoon was a romantical name for me as a child.  And the scent of oaks clung to to my wild mane; lingering even after the evening bath, a delicious earthy perfume carrying me to the dream-time and my real life.

This summer has had that same golden hue to each day, the same fluffy clouds  - airships for the chosen ridden to far away places and exotic spaces.  Summer is almost at an end and I feel I missed something special, something magical, an opportunity, a doorway to Never Never Land.  A profound sadness envelops my heart as I re-taste my lost summer, the one 35 years ago and this one.  The first one lived to the hilt and only remembered now in sadness for this one that I let slip away.

Anubis has opened the door again for me - several doors.  The first to the past so I may pass through my door into the future.  I believe he has many lesser doorways for me. Helping me re-member myself all through the fragrance of an oak's baby scent.

Bring Your Deity to Work Day

Today is bring your deity to work day, I have brought Anubis.  He stands directly in front of me at the base of my monitors.  My shaman bag rests at his feet.  His raised left arm holds two items found at two separate times on my unmentionables after I arrived at work.

The first item found months ago is a tiny burr - a seed valiantly and defiantly containing promise, hope and new life.  The second item is a small under feather from what appears to be a hawk.  The hawk, the messenger! Such powerful messages from such petite items!

I am enthralled with how my Native American and Ancient Egyptian beliefs come together here for signs, messages and confirmations as I have petioned Anubis for assistance.  As Opener of The Way I am nervous and excited for where Anubis is leading me since I have asked for it - pun intended.

SUNDERING OF THE FABLED STONES

In sacred earth we lay singing

Our hearts twined two in one

The earth’s bones crooned to us

Fabled knowledge of our ancestors

Neither dark nor light did we grasp

For sacred loam was all encompassing

Eons passed, nestled with our brethren

The power of the earth’s foundations

A comforting mantle in which to dream

Then time began in terrifying forces

That painfully ripped us forth

From loamy bosom to shrieking space

Razored light we had never known

Shrieked across our skins

Hungry talons shore kin from kin

Cleaving us to another fate

In a mighty blow wielded by a god

We were torn asunder

My heart no longer whole

My very skin carved away

In painful birthing ‘we’ are now ‘I’

Heart wrenching in my aloneness

I cry for my soul so close, I see

And feel the throbbing sob

Of a soul lost, alone and unwhole

Reality separates us; in a gulf 

Wider than the universe

And deeper than eternity

I see my soul shaped, made firm

Faceted like the stars; our ancestors

My dream, my desire, my destiny 

To be at one with my heart, my beloved

In this life and all the rest

~~Fables of The Feral Goddess, A.G. Muilenburg

SACRED SHROUD

Oh why has father let me sleep? For today is to be a day of jubilation. Darkness meets my eyes and stiff linen envelops me.  Why do I smell the sacred incense? Where have I awakened?  I stumble through carven doorway.  My cry for my mother, a hoarse whisper in my throat.  Bewildered and unfeeling I glide.  Traveling great distances under swollen moon.  At last, below the sacred Nile and a great congregation of lights.   I hasten to meet my lover as agreed upon this day.  Joy surges through me as day approaches.  Nut births RA; in glory he enshrouds me.  I raise my arms to give thanks, to give praise and see . . . I am but a wraith dissolving in his light. ~~Thy Daughter, A.G.Muilenburg

Nymph Grace

While my heart is drowning to unbend

My soul I train to stay whole and true

Transmutation rushing forward on the wind

Altering my inner song to gain a better view

I rise a dragonfly in my next life

~~Thy Daughter

CARAVAN OF SOULS

It is so cold here, there is no fire down inside
Let me touch your face so I know that I was alive
Drifting with this caravan of souls I have dismissed how to pray
Intent on weaving the dark and light never reaching grey

I see we are bound on the tracklessnes of eternity

Sharing chaos's wild dance with self, needing connectivity

An angry desire ripping the door off the vault of creation

Spinning in chaotic order my threads of future destruction

To start again tomorrow my creatrix spirit cries

~~Feral Goddess

Opener of The Way

Undenied Steward  

Keeper of the Dead  

Possessor of the Way  

Opener of the Door  

My Guide Home  

~~Thy Daughter  

In the grip of creation - weaving new fairy-tales and poetry.  Seems opening a vein would be easier at this point.  I am exhausted but still my restless mind produces and my paper defies its whiteness gratefully with the plague of words, thoughts and ideas that flow from the tip of this enchanted stylus.  So much is flowing I cannot seem to keep up.  For I have offered up to the  Opener of the Way and he has answered.  I can only ride the tide of ink and beg to be stained unto my soul!

Relentless Pursuit of Life

This little gem has been with me for about 3-4 months, found clinging inside my unmentionables after I arrived at work.  Not sure what compelled me to keep this tiny piece of dried vegetation but I simply could not throw it away.  Perhaps because it' s a seed - holding all the promise of life . . .  tenaciously so.

Seeds themselves are wonders of nature to me; for all the majesty of the oak is contained in the tiny acorn, the intoxicating fragrance of a Texas Bluebonnet packed away in the tiny pebble of a seed lets not forget the additive sustenance found in the pistachio nut.  I find that the irritating seeds of the earth, stickers and burrs, to be far more fascinating.  I marvel at natures ferocious will to survive in propagating her creations, especially flora.  Unlike fauna, flora is fixed more or less.  Ingenious must be the designs to continue.  Stickers and burrs seem to herald the unwavering commitment to survival, the  relentless promise of future life.

With this in mind I decided to take a few close up pictures of my particular sticker and to research burrs in general  Of course this led me on a trip outdoors into my very own yard to see the flora that it contains, seeking the root so to speak of my burr.  I found two varieties in the wilds of my yard that insure the next generation with burrs.

This lovely, delicate plant (above), so tiny is a vine-like ground cover found in my backyard twined in between the feet of my own majestic oaks called Circaea or Enchanters Nightshade named for Circe.  Enchanting bit of info, pun intended, to stumble across.

Sadly my burr was not from the Enchanting Nightshade family.  My burr came from my front yard and is named Calyptocarpus Vialis, more commonly called the Straggler Daisy or Horseherb.  Not glamorous and considered an invasive weed by some in Texas but attractive to mine eyes nonetheless.  Again this ground cover has tiny flowers like the Enchanters Nightshade, though they are miniature yellow daisies. Considered a detriment to the connoisseur of the perfect lawn I do enjoy the clover-like color and feel of my lawn (sans the dried burrs of course).  Burrs to come from the backyard later I am sure.  Then perhaps I will add an Enchanters Nightshade burr to my collection.

Still can't throw away this little gem - no matter common straggler of a daisy or ancient ingredient in Circe's magic I am snagged by the burr.  The close ups of my burr revealed an alien beauty and symmetry I find captivating.  Thus this fierce fruit stays with me reminding to cling to what is important, creating the opportunities to find that fertile soil to flourish  . . . tenaciously so

Haloed Ascension

I just love the Sun.   Here the Divine Uncreated One heralds his ascension in such haloed glory.  I definitely connect with  ancient civilizations association of  a creator deity and the sun.  The rising of the sun is indeed like a birthing.  This daily miracle is spiritually moving, bringing life in its various forms and stages to our tiny jeweled marble, nestled so comfortably in the deeps of the cosmos surrounded by an entire family of suns in our Milky Way community. 

So yet again today I am in awe of our smallish yellow star and how the simple act of planetary rotation fills me daily with connectedness to my deities; reminding me how small yet significant we all are.  The next time you wake at sunrise, take five minutes and step outside and just breathe in the glory of the sun's daily birth.

Anchoring Inspiration

What anchors and inspires me the most?  My beloved, as partially seen here in his bare chested sexiness and his very kingly beard, anchors me in his totally non-judgmental spirit, his true love and his unswerving faith in myself and in a different spiritual belief structure yet same deity as I.

The other anchoring inspiration is seen protecting my beloved's heart.  The ancient Egyptian Ankh. . .the symbol of sacred life.  My faith, my belief structure that hinges on this lovely ankh - the key, the symbol of sacred life - this anchors my KA or spirit, inspires me to be a better human, keeps me open to all that is good, shielding me from all that is destructive to my being.

Combined with the holiness in my beloveds spirit . . .truly my deities watch over me, actively working for my wholeness as a being.  How can I not be anchored in this now and inspired by all that is me coming into being?

New Adventures Down Old Roads

At the end of March I turned another year older - funny the 19 year old inside doesn't feel any older.  But I am definitely into my 40s and not only am I okay with it, but rocking it I feel - I am enjoying who I am and where I am in life.  For my birthday I treated myself to a wonderful tarot reading from my friend Sophie at Sophie's Wisdom Tarot..  Something I have been doing for 20 years is giving myself a yearly reading as a birthday present.  I learned  somethings about myself that I think down deep I already knew this time.  Sophie's fantastic intuition with her compassion and understanding really brought home what I need to do, what I need to avoid, what I need to embrace and what I need to let go so hopefully this humble artisan priestess can meet her gods with grace.

As usual I have many plates and all my plates are full - a situation this quirky slightly OCD personality enjoys. Of course there is schoolwork, day work, artistic endeavors that take the form of gemstones, metal clay, photography and of course my writing that seems to possess my soul and drive everything else into the dust.   My spirituality however must take center stage then family.  Seems each of my plates are sections of my life.  This new year (my new year that commenced on the day of my birth this year) I have decided must be restructured.  My spirituality is now the house where my table and plates resides.

So time for schoolwork, time for day work and as always writing takes me over whenever it pleases.  Most importantly there will be time to relax, time to mediate and time to just focus on my deities.  I always have time to snap images of the Sun or trees that let me see the nymphs inside.

New words are building to be written forth, new characters from old manuscripts are clamoring for their stories to be told and new adventures are being laid open down old roads for me and my pencil.  Here are more pics of the lovely Texas Bluebonnets that frame my ride to and from work like a heady parade and wonderful trees that sing their praises to RA daily.

 

Yellow Seville

Dreamed the other night of my beloved and I roaming an empty earth in a pale yellow Cadillac Seville, just he and I.  A world empty of humans and large animals.  But we are following something - a trail, a scent, a feeling.  Following this urge through the desert and deserted towns.  Saddened at the loss of life.  An empty husk of a world that seemed to belong to my mate, I, the trees,the sun and that yellow Seville.

Mated Pairs

Waking- Sleeping Dream of my beloved and I being a mated pair.  Mated beyond marriage or desire.  A mating of souls, purpose, our very essence was mated - complimenting each other.  We were pursuing an agenda to help those less fortunate when we ran afoul of a male and a female.  This couple was as fair to look on as we.  While my beloved and I were dark of hair this pair was light headed.

I had a set of magic cards I used to help divine our next move and figure out who these two were.  I drew a 69 - which had no sexual connotation at all.  The card signified mated pairs and the 6 & 9 were placed together like yin/yang however instead of white and black it was white and red like blood.  They too were mated - one in purpose, desire and design.  Their purpose was to thwart our purpose.  The magic cards which shimmered with quantum doorways was very specific that neither pair was right or wrong / good or evil, we each simply had a job and function to keep the "machine of life" working.

I had this dreams several days ago and it has worked on my conscious and subconscious in so many way and so many levels.  Much deeper meaning than what it first appeared to be.  Reflection has brought new imagery, new revelations, hidden in plane sight messages from Osiris and Ra.  Tine of change, transformation, opening doorways, creating new paths to follow . . .

My journey deepens, I wont say darkens but it is a very solitary one my mated pair and I are on. . . for My Gods and His has ordained it so.

The story takes a turn the next night in the Yellow Seville

Timbered Haven

Yesterday was a day spent  roaming the countryside with my beloved.  I was on a tree trip.  I am completely in love with trees, especially winter trees.  I am of the opinion that during the winter when trees are naked to all the world, divested of their finery you can see their very souls.  Hallowed acolytes of the solar divinity with their branches uplifted in praise and adulation, drinking in the love from above.  I see them rooted in place forfeiting their ability to move freely in order to devote all their time to giving praise and receiving celestial sacredness from the Divine; connected through the earths foundations to the very Tree of Life.

I certainly could not capture the essence of what I see when I dwell on their timbered greatness.  I feel their wondrous energies even in the winter time - mostly definitely in the winter time.  Their very different personalities all stretched to the heavens with one objective - to give their undivided attention and adoration to the Divine. My first tree captured below; I just love this tree, the setting and yes the energy here. Such beauty from the earth.  Standing tall and righteous in the middles of a very old cemetery in one of the small towns we drove through {a trip I must make next time - the dates in this cemetery dated back to the early 1800's}.  This day of re-connection and re-discovery was well deserved and much needed. Trees carry the knowledge of the world for me,  much like ancient priests telling us primeval secrets passed straight from the very foundations of the earth, the rocks {my other love}and showing us how to give praise and adoration to the Uncreated One above. 

Trees are sanctuaries.   

Whoever knows how to speak to them, 

whoever know how to listen to them, 

can learn the truth ~~Hermann Hesse

Birthing a New Life

Transformation has been on my horizon since October of 2011 - honestly its a constant in my life.  But transformation takes a large role for me right now - changes on all fronts.  Transformation the theme in everything I touch now - even  jewelry projects.

My poetry has become raw - feral - goddess becoming human becoming goddess.  Changes are coming - change I want and changes I don't, changes I know are for the best and changes that will break my heart.  Unavoidable transformation from inside me, unlooked for and expected changes.  Transformation  around me in the physical world and in the spiritual.  I am standing on the precipice - the storm of creation comes.  While we should all embrace change and transformation - for this is how we grow,  it has always been scary.  The giving up of one things to gain another. The pain of birth not knowing where we will arrive or who we will be after the transformation.  I have begun to look at change (hopefully) as the butterfly or the , dragonfly which I think is more appropriate.  The dragonfly spends the majority of its life as as nymph - and in water.  Then to chrysalis, change and emergence into a new life in a new element.

I definitely feel this is what death holds for us as the gateway from one life to another AND one element to another.  I see this cycle repeated here in our lives constantly - in small ways for sure especially if we are growing, testing our boundaries and not content to stay in stasis or the cocoon.  Does the butterfly or rosebud give up?  Never - unless harsh environmental conditions prevent their change.  They struggle to change - its painful to emerge transformed.  For I believe birth is bloody and painful, the butterfly struggles and must emerge from a small opening in order to pump fluids into the wings. If you help the butterfly emerge his wings will never enlarge and he will never fly and he dies.  Thus the pain of transformation fades in the glory of new life.

This too can happen to us homo sapiens.  Our environment can keep us in stasis - this balance of who we are and what we have, content to remain in the silky funerary wrappings. Content to keep the warm status quo of who we think we need to be or what our culture told us to strive for - once attained there is no further striving.  Our environment can also destroy us, remove us completely off earth's radar or demote us so quickly in stature, ego, emotion and physicality that we never grow, we never enlarge - withering and dying inside which leads to dying on the outside.  So here change happens but in the saddest and most negative way that is not productive,

But if we keep a firm eye on our spirituality, and are content to never be content with who or what we are, constantly striving to be a better being while here on earth - we grow, we change, we transform.  Transformation the very essence of Khepra - :He Who Is Coming into Being - I feel this  - this is my prescribed course now - was - always.  When the pain peaks I am almost complete for I am coming into being